After completing my first semester, I started looking into what I really want out of this college experience. I’m really hesitating coming back to this small private college next fall – mostly because of the high cost. I’m starting to look the whole concept of a four-year college and what it will take financially for me to complete a bachelor’s degree.

I’m wondering what is all this for if I’m taking out $5,000 or more per year in loans, spending all my hard-earned summer money to get through the year and then still come up short. About $20,000 in loans is a low estimate of how much it will cost me in loans alone to continue here for four years. But I’m sure that number will increase because I don’t have renewable scholarships that I received my freshman year. Plus, my grades really weren’t that terrific my first semester. So, I have to strive to push those grades up this semester to even get any of the incentive grants that this college gave me because of my high school grades. I messed up. I didn’t study like I should have or get involved in things like I could have here.

Even though I’m receiving tons of financial aid – and without it I would have attended an expensive private college. I still feel like it’s more debt that I really find necessary – especially my first two years of college and taking just general education courses. I probably should have gone to a community college the first two years, worked and saved more money. But I wanted to play football. I did really like the campus and the feel of it when I arrived here for a visit and for orientation.

I’m not sure how much community college is in my area – probably about $3,000 a year full-time – which is $30,000 less than this college. But you do have to add in the costs of gasoline to get there, car maintenance and living expenses either with my Mom or with a buddy in an apartment. Plus, if I did live home – which my mom is definitely having a fit about because she thinks I need to live on a college campus to learn to grow up on my own – the whole family dynamics has to come into play. I get along with my family, but I’ve lived on my own for 4 months and did my own thing without anyone telling me what to do.

Coming back home for a year could be complicated. I do get a lot of financial aid, and once my parents’ divorce is final, my father will be forced to pay one-third of the whole college bill. However, if I live at home, my mother would be saddled with most of my living expenses. There’s no financial aid for food and boarding if you live at home. I have to think about all that stuff. I still think it will be much cheaper and with no debt if I just stay home for a year and go to some college near my hometown. My mom truly believes this is a big mistake.

Transferring out of a four-year college then to a community college then back to four-year college my last two years might get a little complicated and I might lose a lot of credits. But I want to go somewhere that is right for me. The college now isn’t bad. I didn’t do everything in my power to make it work for me. Maybe this next semester will help me understand if I should stay or go. But the finances are still making me wonder about this whole college debt thing.